Suddenly Millennium - Mad TV's spoof on Suddenly Susan and Millennium
MADtv is an American sketch comedy television series based on the humor magazine, Mad. It was first broadcast on October 14, 1995. The one-hour show airs Saturday nights on Fox and is in syndication on Comedy Central.
Season 2 of MADtv featured a parady entitled Suddenly Millennium, during the season's 12th episode which was broadcast on February 1st, 1997. Hosted by Rodney Dangerfield, the episode featured a mixed bag of comedy content:
Marsh (David Herman) proves that he loves the African American race on X-News.
R&B singer Savante (Phil LaMarr) is called upon to sing for a children's benefit album, but his language doesn't fit well for two executives (David Herman, Debra Wilson).
Horror and humor cross paths in a parody of both Suddenly Susan and Millennium.
Host Rodney Dangerfield plugs his new movie Meet Wally Sparks on Cabana Chat.
At a rent-a-car station, a man (Orlando Jones) tries to prove he didn't pass wind.
A college student (Phil LaMarr) unwittingly finds himself in a fight courtesy of his dorm roommate (Bryan Callen).
Below is an archived transcript of Suddenly Millennium. The spoof has finally been posted on YouTube. Thanks to Ethsnafu for the sharing the discovery and for saultonofswi for posting the video on Youtube!
The video was available to enjoy via Youtube, but has since been removed. We'll leave the link in case it ever returns!
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MAD TV -- February 1, 1997
"Suddenly Millennium" (A spoof of "Suddenly Susan" and "Millennium")
[Opening scene: main room at the magazine, based on "Suddenly Susan,"
Brooke Shields' sitcom. She and her co-workers are depicted. The doors
of an elevator open and a man exits, walking past... ]
Louis [pseudo Nestor Carbonell]: "Hi Todd."
Vicki [pseudo Brooke Shields]: "Hi Todd."
Louis: "So, Vicki, tell me, how was your big date last night?"
Vicki (exhaustively perky): "I picked him up. He made me pay for
dinner. Then he stole my car and left me in a ditch. It was
the longest relationship I've had this year. Spank me!"
[Elevator doors open again and Frank Black enters the news room,
dressed in a wedding tuxedo.]
Jack [pseudo Judd Nelson]: "Huh, Frank, uh, shouldn't you be at a
wedding right now?"
Frank [pseudo Lance](in a gravelly monotone throughout): "As I
was standing at the altar I saw the edge of the abyss. I
saw children with their eyes stiched shut. Their features
sanded off. Their screams masked by a veil of brutal
indifference. I, uh, called off the weddding."
Vicki: "Good for you! Now you'll have more time to tour with
'Up With People!' "
Frank: "I want my job back, please."
[Music cue. Main titles.]
Not to Mention
[Music cue includes a spoof of the two chords so prevalent at
the start of each act in Millennium]
"Must not all things at
the last be swallowed
up in death?"
[Repeat of the two musical chords. Frank is at his desk, reading
a book: "All About Serial Killers."]
Jack [: "Frank, um, I want to talk to you about the article
you just turned in."
Frank: "You mean, 'Maggots Devour the Innocent'?"
Jack: "Yeah. Good stuff. However the assignment was:
'Weekend Fun in San Francisco.' "
Frank: "Jack, you see Golden Gate Park in all its majesty. I see
hundreds of shallow graves. It's my gift. It's my curse."
Vicki: " 'My gift, my curse'? Is that the new R.E.M. single?"
Louis: "Excuse us, Frank. Guys? We have got to do something
about Frank. Get him to loosen up, eh?"
Jack: "Hey, you guys thinking what I'm thinking?"
All three in unison: "Surprise party!"
Vicki: "Yeah, great idea! I'll get a male stripper and a
Chippendale's dancer... "
Louis: "Uh, Vicki, how is that going to help Frank?"
Vicki: "Frank who?"
Louis: "Listen, I will get the music. Vicki, you take care
of the cake and then Todd will get the balloons. Okay?"
[He opens a door and Todd is shown covered in blood, then falls
on the ground on his face.]
Vicki (gasps): "Oh! Eeiw!"
Louis: "Oh, my God! Todd! Well now who's going to get the
[Frank see visions of Todd being tortured and screaming.]
Frank: "Todd saw the killer as he died. The killer is directing
his hatred towards a world in which he's trapped, reduced,
Jack: "Aw, come on, Frank! Todd was a rock critic. Who wasn't
trying to kill him! Todd's history! The important thing
is that you learn how to have some fun!"
Vicki: "Yeah, Frank, loosen up! What are you doing tomorrow
Frank: "Well, after, uh, alphabetizing my collection of autopsy
photographs, I'll be at the coroner's office weighing brains."
Jack: "Uh, no, Frank, you've got to, um... "
Louis: "Work on your article!"
Vicki: "Here at the office -- tomorrow night!"
Frank: "All right. But I hope this isn't some kind of ruse to
throw a surprise party for me."
[Frank leaves the room.]
Vicki: "He doesn't suspect a thing."
[Music. Next scene. Frank is typing at his computer.]
Frank: " 'As I smell the acrid stench of burnt bodies, the clouds
rain blood and I'm awash in the horror -- the horror of
existence. Get well soon Aunt Gertie. Love, Frank.'
[Jack crosses the room towards his office, reaches for his door.]
Frank: "Jack, don't... !"
Judd: "Huh? What?"
[Judd opens the door to find Louis hanging on the door by a hook,
stabbed in the chest with five knives.]
[Frank has a vision of Louis being tortured, screaming.]
Jack: "Oh, great! He scratched the paint! Now I have to get the
whole thing re-done!"
Frank: "He's not going to stop, Jack. Not until he washes the
decay and putrification out of this foul wasteland."
Vicki: "But what about tough-to-get-out stains like grass and
Frank: "There's a pattern here; these killings are related."
Jack: "Whoa, there you go again, Frank, finding conspiracies
everywhere. If I freaked out everytime somebody on this
staff died, I'd never get anything done."
Jack: "Which, uh, reminds me... "
[Pulls Vicki aside.]
Jack: "Now is a good time to get the cake for Ank-Fray's Arty-Pay."
Vicki: "O-A-A-K. Can I have Louis' parking space?"
[Music cue. Next scene: Frank's surprise party. The newsroom is
dark as Vicki exits the elevator, cake in hand, candles lit and
she's holding a flashlight. Eerie music throughout.]
Vicki: "Hello? Hello?"
[There are dead bodies strewn everywhere. Vicki steps over one.]
Vicki: "Excuse me, dead guy."
Vicki: "Cool! A Jonestown reunion!"
[Vicki discovers Jack's lifeless body.]
Vicki: "Oh, no, Jack! This is terrible! This is tragic! Now I'll
never get that parking space!"
Vicki: "My 'Welcome Back Kotter' mouse pad! Ugh! There's blood
and puss all over Horshack!"
[There's a noise which startles Vicki.]
Vicki (screams): Oh, hi Mr. Appear-Out-Of-The-Shadows-And-Almost-
Frank: "This should have been done a long time ago."
[He pulls out some gray masking tape and walks toward Vicki.]
[Odd music cues. Frank, wearing a party hat, steps on a balloon,
[Next scene: Vicki is bound to a chair by the tape, her mouth is
covered so that she can only grunt but not speak.]
Frank: "You see Vicki, people like you are the first signs of
the Apocalypse. Shallow, smug, superficial parasites,
with your insufferable pop-culture references that mask
creatures devoid of compassion, intellect and soul.
That's why the Millennium Group has been sent to destroy
you and the entire 'Must-See-TV' lineup."
[Frank fires up a chainsaw, as Vicki screams. Frank looks directly
into the camera.]
Frank: "Cue laugh track."
[Fade to black. Music cue of the two chords again as the final
credits fade in.]
Clyde E. Neuman
Alfred E. Carter
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