Im Hell And The Beauty Of Tiwwa
Boy, the cyber world is a scary place. I haven't had instant messenger in awhile, because I felt no need for it. Well, I posted a pic on the Hot or Not site because I want to meet new people (mostly of the male variety!). Many people had IM names, so I decided to install yahoo messenger. Great. All's well. Then out of the woodwork all of these random guys start IMing me, saying the most bizarre things! I am just internet-challenged. I didn't realize that the yahoo member directory showed me as "online" and "send me a message!" So, I changed that real quick. Now, I sign on as invisible and usually stay that way because I am so freaked out!Honestly, I didn't realize that I would get so many responses. I guess I am so used to being by myself that this onslaught of people was weird. I guess I forgot that there are tons of people out there like me who are looking for people as well. How egocentric of me to assume that I am the only one who feels lonely sometimes, huh? And to be completely honest, I have been so out of the "dating loop"for awhile that I wanted, I guess, an objective opinion about my appearance. So shallow-but at least I can admit it! What is really ironic is that I always felt that I have below average self-esteem. My average rating at this site is a "6.6". I feel I look better than that! So, I actually must think much higher of myself than I realized! I think that's a good thing, isn't it? Or is it plain conceit? I always equated conceit with those who truly look great, so if I don't look that great, but still think I do, then I must have high self-esteem, right? Or would it be considered delusion? Oh well, I now realize that I have thought way too hard about this and can now give it a rest. On a different note, why are so many guys preoccupied with sex?? Oh- never mind!! That was a stupid question, huh? I just want to talk to someone honestly and get to know them....good god, no wonder I haven't dated in awhile!! This is way too complicated for me! When I was younger, I guess I had more time to devote to the whole relationship scenario....now, I would just like to cut to the chase and not play games. but it seems that guys are very guarded about their feelings...and I would imagine rightly so! Women have screwed it up! they have all of the power already, why do they have to make things worse!!! Ha-Ha....I missed the comfort of TIWWA and the people. Even though I don't know you guys in person, I feel I know you in my mind. Does that make sense? OK-I don't know what dark secrets Joe has, or what Erin does when she's not online, but I feel like I could make an educated guess. I know Graham must carry his computer to the bathroom, as much time as he puts in. David spends much of his time reviewing movies and writing various articles and he's even working on a novel. Southern Celt is very proud of his heritage and family. Joe and wife are waiting for a new baby, and Erin is engaged to Dalwar. Archer and Gravity Well are excited newbies, just like I was only a few months ago. You know by the number of posts they place and the enthusiasm in their words. I seem to relate to Walkabout quite a bit; her sense of humor and intelligence seems to parallel me. Vain and arcanamundi are highly intelligent, as well as fledging666. Erin is a wonderful person,very caring and supportive. Joe always posts very simplisticly-matter of fact. He knows what he wants to say and he says it-no frills. I know you guys better than I know most of my neighbors. I have never been this close to people, yet so far away. This new millennium has brought changes in so many ways...to me,in the way I relate to others. Cyber world has been a home for years for our younger generation, and now I'm experiencing what they must feel. A closeness that they don't get elsewhere. But is that healthy? I believe here it is. Graham and all of the other moderators have created a safe haven for me to come to and feel at home. Thank you.:makingeyes:I realize that I just blathered on and on, but I felt I needed to share that with whoever strolls across this post. I'm feeling a little sentimental tonight...forgive me- it must be hormones!! This is who we are!Sincerest thoughts from my neck of the woods!
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