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The Journal Of Alex Ventoux

Raven Wolf


M I L L E N N I U M 


Quotations from "LUMINARY"

Episode #2.12 [MLM-212] (5C12)]



I never thought it would it would end like this. To tell the truth, I never thought it would end at all.There are forces acting on us, with or without our consent, forces sure of themselves as gravity. I thought knowing myself with the same certainty would keep me safe. Surprise! As they say, "What a long strange trip this has been."You want to know why it happened, and I can't tell you. But I do know when. It was that moment when I turned my back on everything, and felt peace.


Alaska. I was never honest with you why I came back here. I could never quite explain, but I'll try to now while I still can. It happened on the cruise we took through Prince Edward's Sound. I was looking at the water and the mountains, which were beautiful, of course. But for me, up on the deck of that ship, I couldn't swear it wasn't just an incredibly realistic simulation. Not just the scenery, my whole life. All Junior and Senior year while I studied, ran track, filled out college applications.I returned here to find my life again. I had to. I don't quite understand what draws me on, but that is okay. God doesn't move us by telling us the facts. He moves us by pains and contradictions He's given me a lack of understanding, not answers, but questions. An invitation to marvel. And here for the first time, I have.I never thought it would end like this. To tell the truth, I never thought it would end at all. But like they say, "What a long, strange trip this has been."My leg is broken. I've lost a lot of blood. It's started to rain, and I know I'll never make it home. Some day some kid will tell Ian, "You're an idiot just like your brother, who threw his life away, walked into the woods, and died". I'm asking you this last favor, to put a better spin on it, for him. You two, and Ian, have always been real.


Please know I love you. I'm thinking of you in the end. And I'm looking, at the stars.


"It's that I didn't want to die. I wanted to be alive."


We are meant to be here. We step from one piece of holy ground, to the next, under stars that ask, "Imagine for one second you could drop in on a past life. What would you like to find yourself doing there? What would charm you, make you proud?" Ask yourself that and the question of what to do in this life becomes so simple it's terrifying.

Just to do that thing that would charm you, that would make you say, "Yes, this is the real me". Do that, and you're alive.



Recommended Comments


Once I read your blog I came up with this.

You seem very talented from what I read here. I think the biggest question is not what to do with yourself. I think it's more of you have so many ideas you don't know where to start first.

Take this forum for instance, your input is awesome on all posts and topics and all of us are looking forward to your work in the Millennium Apocalypse site.

So keep up the good work....


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