Ah the joys of singlehood.

All she wants to do is dance dance dance, all she wants to do is dance... and make romance...

I have never married. was engaged to be married, but, it didn't work out. Mum has always said, if it doesn't improve what your life is like, don't do it. Granted I was also informed by a friend I could get any guy I wanted if I lowerd my standards.

(I don't think so)

So, how does that help you?

Well, Here is the thing.

Her dad is showing her a great time. She is having more than the time of her life- florida is the ultimate play place. Disney, bush gardens etc. It also is heading into hurricane season, and when it gets hot enough to melt tennis shoes on your feet.

But your daughter is having a great time. (which is great) but it can present problems later on. (Having three brothers who are divorced and one is doing the custody dance I sort of know where this is heading and some of the conversations that may be happeing- or not, but it could be just the conspiricy bug has bitten me)

The possible conversations that they may have had were "Do you like it here?" "Oh yeah dad!" "Would you like to stay longer? we can call mom and ask, but I am sure she won't mind, we could spend more time at the beach,,," Deep down, he may be doing this to show you just how painful it is to be separated from your child and he may be doing this on a bid to change custody of your daughter.

and that can lead to "You know, if you stay here, you could go to Disney any time on the weekends, its open year round, would you like that??"

If you tell her no, she will come back, and be angry that you took her away from her dad, and all of the fun she is missing- and her dad let her do stuff, why won't you? and that she loves her dad more and wants to live with him all the time. Watch for that happening. She may be old enough to understand about power struggles, but she shouldn't be used in one.

Granted split custody is hard on the kids. She won't be the same when she comes back, unless she really misses you, or her friends, or something scares the daylights out of her like being evacuated for a hurricane for the first time and watching things being blown apart.

I would compromise. tell her one week, firm, and then follow up with a discussion with your ex about what the plans are for that week. Keep him to the one week schedule because it can drag through the summer and that isn't good because then there is the shock of coming back.

Or your ex may be a perfect gem. I dunno. You married him, you divorced him and I don't know the reason. I don't know his motive. I know parents love their kids and its hard to be separated from them, I know some parents manipulate their kids .

and that just isn't right.

Hang in there sweetie.

hang tight and tough.

Kath

Great post Tonya! Don't give up, there are some of us left!

Haha! I know, Graham! The good ones are just more inaccessible~married, live in other countries, blah...blah!!! :)

I agree with a lot of what Kath said. Your husband might be trying to create conflict, and yet, he may also simply be enjoying time with his little girl. This is when you've gotta trust your gut instinct. Kath's suggestion about agreeing to one week, but that's all, is excellent. This not only sends a message to your daughter that you're not an overprotective oger, it also sends a message to your ex that you are flexable, but NOT a pushover.

As far as the guy thing goes... (& LOL to the comment about the good ones being in other countries.... married... both... hmmm) all I can say is this. Finding the RIGHT ONE has been a goal of mine since I was, oh... I don't know... TWELVE??? I'm serious. I NEVER liked the dating around, spreading my wild oats thing. Even on the RARE occasion that I was lucky enough to have more than one man to go out with, it just wasn't any fun. I was a born wife. And, it took me focusing on finding "the one" untill I was 30 to find someone. My advice is this.... NEVER lower your standards. If you lower anything, let it be your expectation of where you're gonna meet this guy. I never thought I'd find someone not in this state. Think about it... I'm a disabled woman, having to live with my parents because I can't get a conventional "job".... I never drive or go anywhere.... and yet I met someone. HOW? The internet!!! I SWORE I'd never date a guy off the internet. 3 words. "Never say Never".

BTW... love the name "Nermal" for your cat. Where'd you come up with such a cute name?