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Damned if I do & damned if I don't....

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Raven Wolf

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Warning---foul language. I'm sorry for the bitchiness, & declare that TIWWA holds no responsibility for the pissed-off tone to this entry. This is personal bull-shit, and has nothing to do with any members here.

My life is f**ked up.

That's the long & the short of it. Damned if I do, & damned if I don't. You'd think I'd learn...but nooooo....

I just got out of therapy for the day, & after recounting the latest way that my mother ruined a perfectly good day, dragging me into looking at houses for her, making phone calls for her, setting up appointments, taking her there, etc to my therapist, he advised me to start limiting my interaction time with her. Wow.... I just wish I knew ahead of time which version of mom I'm dealing with, so I'd know what days to just not call.

Sunday--- I'd planned to spend the day, looking at rental homes for Terry & I, but ended up taking mom (Terry in tow) to see a house she had asked me to call about. I was in a perfectly good mood, which soon faded after a couple of arguments about my driving. (she's always been critical of my driving. I'm either too fast or too slow. nothing is ever good enough.) Then, after seeing the house, & despite being a bit pissed off, I offered to take her to an antique store I knew she'd been wanting to go to. Things seemed to go quite well, and her mood improved along with mine. Then, as we were leaving, she made a comment to Terry that he told me about later. She said to Terry "We'll get home faster if you drive." Funny, considering she's about the slowest driver I know. So, basically, she found about 10 ways to hurt my feelings in one day, all without even being aware of it.

Now, today.... I call her up, to tell her something funny. A woman she knows online has a house we didn't know she had, and I just happened to bump into her ad where she has it up for sale. I just thought it was a funny coincidence, but that short, simple conversation began to melt down into a drama scene of blame, inflicted on me for somehow "not doing enough" to help her get moved out of the house she's in. She has it in her head that she's going to sell her place, buy something with more land, and 2 homes, AND build an earth sheltered home for her, while living in one of the houses, with me and Terry in the other....(probably a mobile home) and then move into the better house when she gets her earth sheltered house.

Does anyone else see how manipulative this plan is???? It seems to state that Terry & I cannot take care of ourselves, or ever have a decent home of our own, without her help. She's determined to have us living on the same property with her. WHY? Because we all get along so well???? (thick sarcasm) After a lifetime of brainwashing ME into believing I can't take care of myself....by overprotecting me so strongly that I never played like I wanted to, only rode my OWN horse ONCE, and did not get my driver's license till I was 18 and had to get a boyfriend to teach me to drive.... (here in the US, you can drive when you are 16)...she now wants to have that control over me AND Terry!!! Is it any wonder I'm 34 years old and have never accomplished anything???

THEN, as if that wasn't bad enough...she kept going on and on about how crazy she was going, having to do it all herself, and stating that I just didn't understand. I said "I do. There's just nothing that I can do about it." She yelled "Yes, there is!" I said "What? Do you want me to come over and paint your house for you?" She says No, but then starts brining up some of the old crap of mine that's still there that she's having to push around. I said "You know, at the point I'm at in my life, I'm temped to just tell you to chuck it all. I've got too much else going on to deal with storing old baggage. It just needs to go."

That didn't help. She just got more and more angry and out of control until I just got off the phone.

Is it any wonder I'm in therapy? :doh::fool:

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Wow Erin, I feel for you. I think you need to take stock of your life and look at the fact that you survived a horrific accident, you have someone who loves you and you have friends. Easy I know for me to say, but maybe a break from your mother would be a good thing. I had a 5yr break from my father after our relationship broke down - and now we get on so well, have discovered things we both like and can share. I'm no shrink, but it seems your mother has issues she can't deal with. I also think part of her wishes you had more luck in your life too, something any parent would feel. Get rid (at least for a while) of the negative influences in your life, and take some time for yourself each day. I hope you feel better soon.

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Wow Erin, I feel for you. I think you need to take stock of your life and look at the fact that you survived a horrific accident, you have someone who loves you and you have friends. Easy I know for me to say, but maybe a break from your mother would be a good thing. I had a 5yr break from my father after our relationship broke down - and now we get on so well, have discovered things we both like and can share. I'm no shrink, but it seems your mother has issues she can't deal with. I also think part of her wishes you had more luck in your life too, something any parent would feel. Get rid (at least for a while) of the negative influences in your life, and take some time for yourself each day. I hope you feel better soon.

WOW! Spoken like a true wise "ol man".... and I'm being serious, even if adding a little humor to it.

There are great truths in your words, which are spoken by someone who's been there.

I find it interesting that you mention my wreck sometimes as a reference point, and I never really consider it anything but a bothersome setback from my past. Maybe if I learned to view things more objectively, as you do, it would help. Most of the time I'm just trying to shake off that wreck like it never happened and continue on as a strong person who hasn't ever been hurt or set back. It's quite tiring....

And, besides Terry, when it comes to friends, I'd be lost without the good people of this board, and I thank you for your continuing support and friendship.

Also, I agree that I need a 'vacation' from all this negativity for a while. Just... The obligation I feel to be supportive tends to over-ride that...as I tell myself "It's the right thing to do". But, what you are saying is so very true, and would be of great help if I could only learn to follow your advise. I do know, deep down, how right you are, my friend.

Thank you. :grouphug:

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