When I was in highschool, I dated a few guys, one of them being a much- *older* than me guy( well, I was 17, he was 21) and he was a friend of my brothers. Before I graduated, he asked me to marry him and I said yes, with the condition that I finish school first, *college*

One of his greatest - faults- was that he didn't think things all the way through and we ended up parting of the ways.

years went by, He went on to be a race car driver and in all the glamore of the track found a young woman who stayed by his side until his car went end over end. She did stick around long enough to wait until he was out of the coma before saying to him that she coulnt deal with the life and death of the track, and she left him to his own devices to go through rehab, learn how to cook, and then as he learned how to cook, he realized he *liked* cooking, and he became a chef, and eventually, the co owner of a restaraunt.

it was some time last year that he thought about retirement, and the concept of bringing his house boat home. It would take a few years of sailing and he would work his way up the coast in the process seeing old friends & family. He told me this and in the process at the end of the letter, mentions that he was seeing a young lady named Sandy that weekend. I sent an email back that night, and for some reason, it was blocked... I was to find out later when he leaves dock, his internet decides that his mail box is full and the system goes kerpinko.

I hadn't heard from him in months. and I decided that I would try to send him an email and it went through and he explained that on July fourth he had stopped over at a friends, and cooked for their picknic for 52 people, and in the process the next day, had a massive heart attack.

Its changed his perspective over the thought of retirement and hes thinking of writing a healthy eating cookbook...

all of this brings up, memories of how we were together. How different our lives would be had we stayed together. maybe.

Time changes us.

anyway, I am explaing to my husband who he is, and he is cool with it. (the love of your wifes life from 30+ years ago is now in contact with her... ) was there any *getting * over him? eh, don't know. I still have the love letters that he sent me, his highschool photo, the ring, which btw was his grandmothers, and I had been searching for him to see if I could return it. We had made a deal, I would keep it safe for him so that he wouldn't do anything foolish with it. If I had changed my mind, I could contact him and. well. I didnt change my mind. he still, to my knowledge, doesn't think things all the way to the end. (as I do, though maybe its men who don't...)

I can't just toss the letters, they are too personal. on the other hand, in my own lesson of mortality, I know that "someday" should I pass, they will be found.

I dunno.

I know, once he gets a proper mailing address, I will be sending him the photos, and the ring.

maybe, the letters too. and let him decide what to do with them..

what would you do?