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Made In England

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Oh, the clown car.

Got to admit my other TV love is the mighty Gunmen and whilst MM gave me an unhealthy dose of Lara-fever the Gunmen has inflicted me with a galloping case of Yves-osis (and a not too troublesome spell of Jimmy-itis - gotta love him). I was wondering if anyone could help clarify a conundrum, namely Yves' nationality. No one knows how happy she made me, we're talking a serious player in the 1013 universe who's sporting a rather spiffing English accent (we made it on to the 1013 map guys!) I know that Chris Carter had intended a recurring role in X-Files for Amanda Pays as Inspector Phoebe Green but fortunately the fans hated her (in spades apparently) so it was shelved and I figured that Yves was the realisation of Chris' plans for a British invasion. I know the whole point of Yves is that she was clandestine and enigmatic, with an alter-ego for every occasion but it seemed logical that if you wished to remain inconspicuous in the country you are currently hacking your way around you would adopt an accent that was slightly less plumby than that of Good Queen Bess - that being the case I figured her accent must really be her own, otherwise it was a strange choice. It is not that it was ever stated that she wasn't English it just went horribly 'Pete Tong' when Chris Carter murdered the series, much as he did with MM, in an X-Files episode where she is revealed to be called 'Lois Runtz' (Noooooooooooooooooo!) which doesn't strike me as name frequently found in the UK Telephone book. Does anyone, anyone, recall an interview in which Carter mentions the nationality of Yves? I would appreciate it if you could help me out as I cannot find an answer in any of the episodes.

I also have a half-baked theory regarding the name. 1013 - lOIS, anyone else see the similarity? A runt is, of course, the weakest animal in a litter. Could be that 'Jump the Shark' was commenting on 'The Lone Gunmen' being the weakest of 1013's offerings (in terms of ratings.)

I have a strong suspicion that Yves was not popular amongst Gunmen fans, would love to know your musings if this is the case. Guess the modern day Emma Peel with the best kung-fu and some natty cat-suits ain't to everyone's taste but, in her defense, can I say she has the best intro-monologue of any 1013 character/show ever. Yup! Stone me for being a turncoat but her 'Tango' dialogue is awesome.

Oh well, till then, anyone for tea?



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Nothing doin' eh? I guess I could make this section my spiritual home. Since no-one's watching I'm gonna do what I like in here *evil, maniacal, 'Ming the Merciless' laugh* What no fans of the kung-fu/foo-kicking-t*ts-and-teeth of La Harlow? Nah? Thought not but not to be downtrodden I shall dangle a carrot in the hope that I can convert a few of you. *Unveils Jimmy's Jukebox with a Ta-da!*


Below is a wav file (haven't the foggiest if I have made a very good job of it mind) of La Harlow reciting the monologue from 'Tango'. To my mind it is the finest example of a 1013 monologue as it doesn't descend in to the pseudo-poetic-psycho-babble of the X-Files' endeavors or, as some fan once wrote, "You know the speeches I'm talking about: A character ponders something weighty, typically to him or herself. The speeches are cryptic, the images and words go beyond the character's normal conversational repertoire, and the syntax can be convoluted." This one is an example of how easy it could have been, layered over the hilarity of the Lone Gunmen's very own 'Come Dancing' and more importantly it is breathlessly delivered by Yves in a 'come and get me' style all her own. There will always be those of you not so easily convinced, who will long for:

"For the first time I feel time like a heart beat, the seconds pumping in my breast like a reckoning, the numinous mysteries that once seemed so distant and unreal threatening clarity in the presence of a truth entertained not in youth, but only in its passage."
or even
At times I almost dream I, too, have spent a life the sages' way, And tread once more familiar paths. Perchance I perished in an arrogant self-reliance ages ago; and in that act, a prayer....
OR you can get it on with Yves. Nuff said.

On the subject of Yves can I also say in her defence that the Lone Gunmen gave us the most endearing relationship since Mulder and Scully: namely Jimmy and Yves. Beyond Catherine's demise, Frank was to remain a confirmed 'lonely heart' and devoted father (though there was a fantastic scene with Lara glaring at Catherine in Luminary after she interrupted their homework. Kristen's expression is genius. Viva Lara!). X-Files gave us Dogget and Reyes (4-D was breathtaking, the 'polish sausage and smudged pickle scene' goes down as seriously beautiful) but it never really gained momentum and the wick was never lit, then there was Mulder and Fowley (vomits, I don't even wanna see the wick), Scully and Pendrell (aww, lovely but the wick was too short), Mulder and Bambi and Pheobe and Marika and everyone else (burning the wick at both ends)...

But, Jimmy and Yves! Bloody marvelous, go for it old son! A relationship moving firmly out of the incredulous (think Mulder and Grandmama Fowley, vomits again) and into some real tender moments. The Yves and Jimmy kiss made me cheer as much as the Mulder and Scully moment and believe me that was a loud cheer. God those were the days. Anyone know when The Gunmen will be available in the UK? It is an outrage, we should invade somewhere! Up the empire and all that!

Oh well enjoy my friends,

Till then, all aboard the clown car.


The Tango is Life

Right, it should be available here. It is a bit big so I stuck it somewhere else so as not to create clutter. All you have to do is hit one of the links and off it should go.

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