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That Is All I Have To Say...

Raven Wolf


Below is today's exchange in the stupid soap opera that has arisen because of my refusal to be treated like a 2nd class citizen any longer by a so-called "friend". What she said is in quote...my response is not.

In a message dated 9/23/2005 8:59:46 AM Eastern Standard Time, dancingdoe@hotmail.com writes:Erin,I do not see you as hindered in a way that can not be overcome. You said it yourself when you affirmed that you are strong in areas that compensate for your weaknesses. All human beings have strengths and weaknesses. I have known blind and paraplegic individuals who lead full happy lives. This is the way I see you. If you would rather me see you as a victim I am sorry I do not.
My God! When did I ever say I wanted you to see me as a victim and pity me??? There is a difference between that and total lack of acceptance and compassion for another person's hardships! Poverty is a hindrance that can be overcome, too, but that does not mean that if someone reaches out to you for help, you turn your back, saying you refuse to see their hindrance! I never once said that my disabilities meant I was unable to live a full and happy life. Please take in what I actually SAY, and not what you THINK I am saying. As a leader of a "spiritual group", I would think you would be more compassionate than the average person to the needs of others. That was what was such an eye opening experience here, for which I am thankful. --------------To see that a 25 year old guy showed me more compassion, understanding, and acceptance than someone who is old enough to be my MOTHER, and is the co-founder and leader of a spiritual group!
We did not really feel we owed you and explanation of why Keith and I decided not to rent the apt. at this time. Since you seem so angry about it I felt I would explain. Yes, some of the decision was based on your choice to behave the way you did about Michael (calling Sharon, calling our house daily to see why he hadn’t returned your calls etc.). Other factors also contributed to our decision. As I stated, Keith and I desire peace in our lives, esp. right now after all that has taken place. It was our decision. Your anger around it is yours choice.
Again.....I don't have the desire to waste my time on anger on this subject.You and Keith are entitled to peace in your lives. But I am also entitled to honesty. You don't seem to have a problem being brutally honest about other things, regardless of whether or not it hurts my feelings. I wonder why you found it necessary to lie on this subject...? I said why I called, when I did. I had left something there, and when I retrieved it, on the day I was taking photos of Keith's things for sale to try to help him out, too, and got it back, I dropped the subject.
I have apologized for not telling you all of the reasons from the beginning. We didn’t think it necessary. Your reaction to all this confirms that we made the correct decision. I see no apology from you. As far as I see we both overreacted. You have blasted me and I have tried to explain and come from a place of love. I do not feel that from you. I feel anger.
I accept your apology, though I don't see why....you did not think it necessary to be honest with me, when, as I have said, this has certainly not hindered you in the past.
Your statement, “As I see it, if you spent that much time, caring for Willow, why can you not show me the same consideration” bothers me. Willow was a close, dear friend who was dying of cancer. What consideration do you now need Erin? I have explained why the decision was made. I have apologized for not sharing every detail of how we decided in the beginning but I am not sorry for making the decision. Keith and I do not choose to be around people that stir up shit. Right now that what it feels like is happening.
I'm sorry that statement bothers you. Willow was a wonderful woman, and the world will feel her loss for some time to come. However, I feel that, yet again, you are taking my words, and twisting them to fit your own preconceived perception of me. You stated "I have apologized for not sharing every detail of how we decided..." That's NOT what I mean by consideration!!! Is it only close, dear friends that are worthy of being treated like human beings who need help? I TRIED to become a friend to you, over the last 7 years, but found that impossible. There is obviously only room in your life for a certain type of friends. 100% able-bodied, perhaps?It's a good choice for you and Keith to not choose to be around people that "stir up shit".... It also seems you don't want to be around people who question the "staus-quo", or who disagree with the way you choose to perceive the world, and the people in it, and who want to make their OWN choices, not be told how it is acceptable to be. I choose not to be around that any longer. It is such intolerance, and my own lack of backbone to stand up and say something about it, that has held me back most of my life. From this moment forward....I will not make that mistake again.
As you stated, “We are here to help each other”. I say to you ... What have you ever done for me?  I have already spent too much time and energy on all this. Get over it! and get on with you life.
Let me quote "Field of Dreams". "Is this why you did this? For YOU? I think you'd better stay here, Ray." I have also spent too much time and energy on this. I have felt that I was brought into your life to help you see, as you have stated, certain things you need to work on. You stated, "I am a realist and to some I can seem insensitive. I have a tendency to speak my truth upfront without holding back. I am not saying that is the best way to be. I am just saying that is how I am." If you are realizing that is not the best way to be, why do you accept it as "how you are"? If you can see that this is causing you trouble, is it not time to consider a change? I have changed more than you can possibly imagine in the last few years. I never would have had the courage to speak to you about how hurt and rejected I have felt over the years. I am quite proud of who I have become, as are the close friends in my life that have helped me make this change.... My beloved Terry....my dear friend Scott, to whom I am eternally grateful, Brad, Rick, (your ex husband, Tim, whom I must than again for standing up for me.) and all the others that came into my life in the last few years. Did you not wonder why I simply stopped attending circles? Or did no one even care? I am not demanding special consideration for ONLY ME. I am hoping, by taking this stand, that if someone else comes into your life in the future with similar needs (and they will....life keeps repeating lessons until we GET IT) that my speaking my mind NOW will have a positive affect on you in the future. "Get over it"? Honey....I am so far over it I think I just heard my ears pop! That is all I have to say.....


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