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This one's for Brian

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A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks "Is your date running late?"

"No" he replies "Q's just given me this state of the art watch and I was just testing it"

The intrigued woman says "A state of the art watch? What's so special about it"

Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically"

The lady says "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers..."

The woman frostily replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!"

Bond tuts, taps his watch and says "Damn thing's an hour fast."

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Another Bond joke, but this one is for Amrith (since it is a French joke):

James Bond is under attack while in a plane over France. He is forced to jump from the plane and he lands in the middle of nowhere. Here a fat peasant woman sees him and go to meet him. "Who are you?" she asks. "My name is Bond. James Bond," answers the secret agent, "and you?" "My name is Monde. Raymonde."

Sorry for this miserable joke. I could not control myself!

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Thanks, Laura!  I've heard that one before and told it many times.  That's a good one.  Can't say I've ever caught that second one, though.

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That cracked me up too, it's a new one on me...


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