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X-files/Millennium crossover

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I recently caught a viewing of that great X- Files / Millennium crossover. All I can say is, what the friggin’ crap were they thinking? It made me imagine what that staff meeting must have been like. It probably went something like this:


Frank Spotnitz, head writer for the X- files, bursts into the room. Seated around a table are staff writers John Shiban and Vince Gilligan.

Frank Spotnitz: Hey guys, Chris just gave us the go ahead for a Millennium crossover in an upcoming ‘files episode!

John Shiban: Holy smokes! Are you kidding?

F.S.: Heck, no! We need to start pitching ideas around. Anybody got a bible handy?

Vince Gilligan: Man, this is freakin cool, just like those team-ups that marvel comics used to do, like the fantastic four and spider-man, dukin’ it out and stuff!

F.S.: uhhh...yeah.

J.S.: We could include all kinds of stuff, like references to the Old Testament, Frank Black’s obsession with death, eyeballs...

V.G.: Hey guys, wait...

F.S.: Mulder and Scully can bring in Black on a hunt for the holy grail, only the grail is filled with the blood of an archangel, and the millennium group makes a last ditch attempt...

J.S.: ...we could have cameos by Peter Watts and Scully’s dead sister...

V.G.: Guys, how about this...ZOMBIES!

Both men stare in awe.

V.G.: Freakin cool, huh? I mean, we’ve done shows about vampires, werewolves, even a freakin’ genie! But we’ve never done one about zombies, man! I mean, we’ve done zombiefied people, but not honest-to-goodness night-of-the-living-dead ass-kicking zombies! Sweet, huh?

J.S.: Frank, get Chris on the phone.

F.S.: John, Chris doesn’t give a flying crap about us. He’s all but abandoned us. Right now, he’s  sitting in his huge, our-asses-bought house , soaking in his hot tub, banging that chick who played Lucy Butler...

J.S.: ...working on that screenplay for HARSH REALM: THE MOVIE...

V.G.: Freakin’ zombies, chompin’ on people. Freakin’ aye!

The phone rings.

F.S.: Uh, hello? Oh, hi Chris (switches to speaker phone). We’re having serious problems with the crossover...

Voice of Chris Carter: what crossover?

J.S. The X- Files / Millennium crossover. Vince wants to use zombies...

V.O.C.C.: Zombies? Oh, hell yes! We’ve never done a zombie one before. I mean, we’ve had zombiefied people before, but...wait...my rubber ducky’s stuck...

F.S.: Vince, aren’t you busy on that LONE GUNMEN script?

V.G.: Oh, yeah, well, screw that! I can write that up at home later on the toilet. Wait... I think I accidently wiped my butt with the first draft...oh well, I can get the plunger and dredge it up.

V.O.C.C.: ow!ow!ow! Oohh...that’s better...that’ll teach me to have a rubber ducky made of solid gold...what were we talking about?

J.S.: The crossover...

V.O.C.C.: Oh, yeah, right, whatever.

F.S.: Come on, Chris, zombies? Don’t you think Millennium deserves better...?

J.S.: The closure that the series deserves...?

F.S.: ...Mulder and Frank together...the fans would love it...

V.O.C.C.: Millennium doesn’t have any fans, you moron...except that guy in arizona...and those nuts on the internet...you little bitches need to go work for that sissy Joss Whedon...lissen up, I’ll make this brief...I want the zombies in there, you can feed them Frank’s whiny kid for all I care, stick a fork in the b*******, it’s done! I’m late for dinner at George Lucas’ house. Bye.

The line goes dead.

Frank and John look over at Vince.

V.C.: ...or we could a mummy show, and the mummy’s wrappings are really the dead sea scrolls, or when you unwrap him, the Ten Commandments are written on his body like kalliography, and Black has to help Scully decipher them, uh...

Frank and John walk out of the room, shutting the door behind them.

F.S.: This is going to be a cold, tall glass of SUCK.

J.S.: I quit. I think ENTERPRISE is hiring.

As the two men walk toward the exit, they can hear a whisper drift through the halls of Ten-Thirteen, the faint voice of a child, a child with the voice of a dream...

“I made this”.

END  :wink_big: written by S.C.

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Guest Dixon

I just woke up tired, cranky and ready to drag myself to work as usual.  Then I clicked my way to the board to check the posts before heading off and I found this.  Now, I've almost fallen over laughing out loud.  You just started my day with a laugh, and for that you have my great thanks.

Yes, I have no doubt that the staff meeting went something just like this.  In fact, I can't imagine it happening any other way.  I mean, how else did we end up with freakin' zombies?  (Although, somehow I'm certain we would have had better if Carter himself had had a hand in the script.)

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:rofl:  :jumping:  :rofl:  :jumping:

I was laughing my BLEEPIN' BLANK off when I read this!  This is great!

And the topper is this.  I am in the process of dubbing my next "order" of MLM episodes, so MLM is on in the background as I surf the board and post.

I kidd you not... just as I am reading the last part of this humour piece of yours, the endtheme is on... and I hear "I made this" just about the time I was reading it on your post!!!  LOL!  Which just made it that much more hilarious for me.

So, thanks for the laughs!

You forgot this statement by on of the writers:

writer: "Yeah, and the zombies will actually be the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse, who will run around in the basement of a taxidermist until the comming of the Millennium!  Doesn't it just 'pop'?!"

:hands3: Scott

"Harsh Realm: The Movie..."  You kill me man!  LOL!

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"Can you imagine the effect conclusive evidence of "doomsday" would have on a world, in which, millions actually believe they've been abducted and experimented on

by aliens with the knowledge and co-operation of government officials? A country that obsessed for decades on Elvis sightings? Roswell?"

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